rebekah

i promise myself a new printer/scanner when it is over, as a consolation for all the worrying i had unwittingly put myself through. i worry over the silliest things really. i guess i have always been that girl in the corner of the room, stressing and spacing out at the same time. then it dawned upon me that i’m actually a creative and imaginative individual. after all, it takes a serious amount of imagination to be as paranoid as i am.

according to a personality test from a japanese magazine, i am also masochistic. couple that with my blood type, i have now acquired a spanking new label that i can potentially be proud of. henceforth, let it be known that i am an OM, among all other things. personality typing based on your blood type is of course a cute thing japanese people do. but adding that information with your pain affliction preference is nothing short of japanese ingenuity. half the magazine is filled with information from which blood type is most prone to wearing revealing clothing to the compatibility of you and your boyfriend based on both your blood types and whether if he is the only child, has 1 sibling, or lives in a brood; and the other half of the magazine packed with useful advertisements for breast enhancement surgeries and more. what more could i possibly need to know in life?

i wasn’t really joking when i mentioned before that i think in balloons. there is a whole lot of nothing much in my mind all threatening to pop at the same time. and japanese tv isn’t helping me at all. just a few days ago, i was watching this man in pink-satin pyjamas with the same pink satin material wrapped round his forehead complete with a really puffy ribbon finish rolling-skating and singing an 80s hit pop song with a group of similarly clad roller-skating background dancers. i would have asked someone to save me except that i was moved to the point of sharing the nostalgia felt by those watching the performance. never mind that i knew neither the pink roller skating singer nor the very nice song he was singing.

so while i am trying very hard to let the excess air out of my head, i don’t quite mind this strange change in me.

だれを待っていたのだろう。
何を待っていたのだろう。
何のために、あんなに一途になっていたのだろう。
そしてオレはこれから、なにをすればいいのだろう
水色男は、ぼんやりしてしまった。

水色男は、考えるのがめんどくさくなった。
雲がふわふわしているので、シュークリームのようだった。
シュークリームの空気がぬけたようだった。
水色男は嬉しくなった。
椅子からぽんと、飛んでみた。
水色男はシュークリームの中にいた。
シュークリームの中にうかんでいるようだった。
うれしかった。
自分を素敵だと思った。–銀色夏生

the hamster ball broke open yesterday night and pi had a little adventure roaming around the room.

and pi’s silly owner went into a mild panic. but still, that silly owner was terribly proud that pi poked her nose out from the dark, dusty cupboard when her name was called.

-

i think the more than usually fogged-up state of mind is returning to its usual quite fogged-up state. and with any luck, it might actually clear up quite soon. but i know it’ll never be crystal though. i’m just one of those with the gift of finger smudges.

and i’m stealing part of the school festival’s theme and making it my own.

自分らしく…

as I am.

the school festival up next.