sleep is in order (edited)

winter vacation has started and i’m so happy. but uncertain. but happy.

oh well.

–

woke up in the morning and decided to experiment with the illo a little more. i initially drew it so i could see how it looks to work straight from a pencil drawing instead of inking the line art like i usually do. and i wanted to try colouring a poofy tutu with my wacom pen. the birdcage and branches are elements from a wrapping-paper scan i bought quite a whole ago. i love how the illo turned out fitting for the festive season. it’s a little girly, but you know, i’m proud to to embrace my inner girliness  :b .

and since i’m not going anywhere this winter vacation, i have quite a bit of time to experiment with the bubbles in my head. hopefully i will be able catch a few of them and show some results here.

yey ♪

 

わたしはわたし

 

空想ばかり

 

there are cats and there are dogs

it’s been more than a week since i’ve been back and i’ve been kind of grasping at the wind. it’s not even a search for an answer; this time, i don’t even now what my question is.

the 11 days in singapore had been good, but tiring. i love my family to bits and the kids hold a special place in my heart. i had to do a little packing when i was back as my family will move out of the house that we have been living in for more than 10 years come next april. tidying up the things that i left behind-mostly photos and letters from the past-and conversations over the many meals i had with my dear old friends brought me back in time. i remember how i used to really like this quote by khalil gibran, which still holds true for me even at this moment:

remembrance is a form of meeting.
forgetfulness is a form of freedom.

i’m a 100% thankful for my parents as did all they could, and more, to make me feel comfortable back at home again. but at the end of the day, i felt that i’ve become more like a visitor on a short trip. i belong as part of the family, for sure. my parents would want me to feel nothing less. but the personal space where i could unwind after a long day was no longer there. it was a huge relief to step into my apartment in japan with the person i love and have my hammies wiggle their huge pink noses at me.

i want to be here. at least this, i’m quite sure of.

 

一期一会

i finally drew and painted on a cardboard that had been lying around in my apartment for the longest time. and it was only when i finished that i realised i was preparing myself to say goodbye to some JET friends i have grown to love this past 2 years that they have been here. there is so much more i want to say but as usual words fail me.

会津で出会えてよかったよ。

 

still very much a donut, she realised.

all that was different was the pretty layer of powdered sugar frosting.

 

i actually prefer the cold. not really, but yes.

things always crop up when i need time to do my own things. my headaches are coming back and i half attribute it to japanese heaters blasting away in unventilated staff rooms. if you see me loitering in the chilly corridor, it’s just me trying to catch a breath of air…

 

kabutomushi

been listening to aiko. this is quite an old song, but one of my favourites.

悩んでる身体が熱くて 指先は凍える程冷たい
「どうした はやく言ってしまえ」 そう言われてもあたしは弱い
あなたが死んでしまって あたしもどんどん年老いて
想像つかないくらいよ そう 今が何より大切で…

スピード落としたメリーゴーランド 白馬のたてがみが揺れる

少し背の高いあなたの耳に寄せたおでこ
甘い匂いに誘われたあたしはかぶとむし
流れ星ながれる 苦しうれし胸の痛み
生涯忘れることはないでしょう
生涯忘れることはないでしょう

鼻先をくすぐる春 リンと立つのは空の青い夏
袖を風が過ぎるは秋中 そう 気が付けば真横を通る冬
強い悲しいこと全部 心に残ってしまうとしたら
それもあなたと過ごしたしるし そう 幸せに思えるだろう

息を止めて見つめる先には長いまつげが揺れてる

少し癖のあるあなたの声 耳を傾け
深い安らぎ酔いしれるあたしはかぶとむし
琥珀の弓張り月 息切れすら覚える鼓動
生涯忘れることはないでしょう
生涯忘れることはないでしょう

 

she’s gone fishy

 

and the spider comes ploping down from the ceiling

if our souls lived outside of our bodies, mine had better not be a spider. i could definitely try to see the beauty of a spider-at least from a distance-but it would literally make it quite difficult to live with myself.

i just finished Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials. i love The Golden Compass, the first volume of the series, but the other two didn’t quite do it for me.

in the world of The Golden Compass, the soul lives outside the body in the shape of an animal or a bird or an insect, you know, spiders, flies, bees, spiders… and they are called daemons. of course, there are many different worlds, and in a boring world like ours, we are still unable to see the animal, or insect, in us. well, at least that makes for better classroom management. i wouldn’t want to deal with 40 students and a zoo.

anyway, The Golden Compass has been made into a movie and the site is really pretty. there is a section where you can go find yourself a daemon. i can’t embed the flash file on this site so the picture should do.